Wish Washy: funny

Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Weekly Link-fest

Another week, another batch of good links. Enjoy...

Useful links

- 50 Directories to Submit your blog to - For free
- Tutorials for any topic, photoshop, software etc
- 35 things to avoid at an interview
- Guide to Installing Wordpress on a Windows machine
- Brain wave controlled gaming
- Mouldable / Moulded mouse
- Blue lounge space station - fix your cable mess for good
- Find your Windows XP CD key in 10 seconds
- Tabs generator

Time Wasters

- Worlds strangest clocks
- Cool Cloth physics page
- Endless / Senseless collaborative book
- Trees eat anything
- Funny pranks you can play on your workmates computer
- Introducing the Eyeclops!

20 Things that culturally define Australia - A must read

Courtesy of the-trukstop.com, comes a great article for anyone with preconceptions about what constitutes an Australian.

So for all you uneducated people who have no idea about how similar Aussie lifestyle is to yours, give yourself a punch in the head, then read this list:

20 Things that culturally define Australia

Heres a wierd one for all you techies out there to answer. Have a look at the following image, taken from one of our Servers at work:

Anyone who can tell me how that message would end up on the desktop gets a shiny Cracker. (And no it is not a photoshopped image).

mmmmmmm - Yummy cracker....Wait....What?

Background info:

Our company is owned by a Japanese company, and hence we have many Japanese visitors to our site. While on site, one Japanese man brought us some Japanese Crackers, all the way from Japan (funnily enough).

No worries, I thought, after lunch snack. That is, until I turned it over:

What the freak is that? A stay fresh packet? Jeebus, I hate to think how old that cracker is. Looks like it could be as old as me... Probably not a health risk, just turned me way off it.

Im not the only one, I see that every desk still has the cracker sitting on it. Im sure as hell not going to be the first to try it.

Its still sitting on my desk, ill eat it if I get 15 comments daring me to do so...

Email...

Stumble upon this great cartoon, showing just how reliant we are on, and how dominant, email is in our world. Courtesy of WeBlogCartoons.

You want comics?!?!

Heres a collection of all sorts of comics and snippets I have found in my stumbling. Many more to come:

http://www.nataliedee.com/nd-archives/ndarchive-jan08.php

http://www.filibustercartoons.com/comics/20080111.gif

http://www.mine-dog.net/forum/showthread.php?t=2912

http://www.fiddyp.co.uk/the-binary-cake/

http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/lame.gif

http://imagechan.com/img/img.php?id=3459

http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/ComicArchive/032.htm

http://theflowfieldunity.com/?p=297

Top 10 - Guys ettiquette to playing golf

There are rules for golf, then there are Guys rules for playing golf. This is that list:

10. If your playing partner wants to make his score for a particular hole better, you must also do the same for that hole.

9. Any score a player says he made on a hole is right, no arguments. He knows what he hit, dammit.

8. If a player hits a slice and loses their ball, they may take a drop from where your ball is, with no penalty. This makes the game go faster, and you can measure dicks by seeing who can hit the longest iron shot.

7. Never give your playing partner advice. If he wants it, he will ask for it.

6. Any tee shot that travels for less than 10 metres may be re-hit once, without penalty.

5. Any putt less than 10cm from the hole is in; Gimmes are fine. It would have went in if the wind wasnt there.

4. Beer is the staple drink, if not a drinker, Gatorade. (Beware of playing with drinkers if you are not one, however). If playing with 2 players, you may only drink a maximum of half the beers.

3. When you are playing aweful, you can always blame it on too much or not enough beer, and adjust your intake accordingly.

2. An air-swing is always a practice swing. Always.

1. Any tee shot that does not pass the ladies tee is a free beer for the playing partner at the 19th hole. This rule is paramount, and never expires.

Stick to these rules and you will always have a good playing partner, and will enjoy a casual round immensly.

CSI: Top 5 reasons why it is a stupid, stupid show

Ive known this for a while, yet a recent episode I watched last night of CSI: New York had me shaking my head in anguish.

dont normally swear in my posts, but for this rant I have made an exception to make my feelings clear.

Normally I would find it hard to make a decent list about why I hate a particular show, mainly because I would not watch said show more than a couple of times. But CSI, well, it was easy as pie:

5: Confessions

Every episode is ended perfectly, every time, with a confession from the grieving villian, EVERY EPISODE.

They all follow this pattern:

- Villian denies everything

- CSI wanks sitting behind the one-way glass say 'I think I believe him'

- CSI wanks then go out to the crime scene, and find absolutely obvious evidence that was missed the last time (see number 2), condemning the villian.

- CSI wanks confront the villian with the irreputable evidence, villian then breaks down and confesses to everything, saying how sorry they are, or how it was all a bad accident.

- CSI wanks walk out of the room, looking all suave and shit.

4. The spray / flashlight crap

WTF. Seriously. It doesnt matter how clean the crime scene is, you spray a little spray shit about the place, on the walls, in a car, and then shine a blue light on it, viola! You have either a perfect set of fingerprints, some blood splatters, some man-juice, or all three. Heres an excellent spoof of the blue light in use: Blue Light

Its not the actual spray light stuff that gets me, its the fact that it is used on every crime scene, with results every time.

3. Pull up the database of people known to have...

...Bought red lipstick over the past 10 years. These people have a database for everything, and I mean everything. I would hate to see the database servers and data warehouses needed to hold all this 'important' info. I mean, I do wonder where the hell they could ever get all of this random info? And what about the cost of having all of these professionals, working on all these different parts of cases?

2. Unrealistic evidence Placement

This is a big peev of mine. A couple of examples to explain:

- There will be some form of absolutely bleedingly obvious evidence at a crime scene that was missed by the 500 investigators the first time around, yet is found near the end of the episode, after all seems lost, and all avenues have been taken. This evidence will be just sitting there, and will condemn the villian on the spot. What a lucky find hey.

- The evidence found at the scene is totally unrealistic. For example, in the last episode I watched, there was a lolly packet found at the crime scene, which they followed up, finding where it was purchsed from. I mean shit, it must have been a fairly rare sort of lolly. (this leads me to the extra list item I have put at the end).

1. The Characters lines

This has to be number 1, just because of the main actors lines, and 'witty' one liners, particularly those of Heratio on CSI: Miami.

Some great examples of his mad one liners, and the characteristic sunglasses lift at the end: Endless Caruso one liners. Another great spoof is that of Lengendary funny man Jim Carrey, taking him off perfectly: Spoof.

Let us not forget Grissom, however, who has his fair share of crazy lines.

As a bonus, here is another reason that I couldnt leave out:

Bonus: Absolutely rediculous assumptions

By this I mean the rediculous assumptions made about the evidence that is found. Somehow the CSI wanks make some sort of assumption based on evidence, that is completely random, but is always right.

For example, in the episode I watched last night, there was a battery packet found at the crime scene, which for some reason didnt match the camera found at the scene. That MUST mean there was someone else with another camera at the scene, no doubt about it. Forget if the packet just somehow blew onto the crime scene, or if some person happened to drop it on their way past the crime scene. No, it must have been from another person, with another camera, not one of the thousands of battery powered devices people carry now-a-days. Sheesh.

Well thats it, ive had my rant. I spose I only have myself to blame for attempting to watch the tripe yet again...Back to good ol' Family Guy me thinks...

Doctor's Opinion

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.

'I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc ?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.

'One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'

'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said , 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

Zero punctuation - Crysis

Love this guy's witty video reviews, so I had to post this up. If you havent already seen it, enjoy more of the magic that has made this guy the leader in the video review field!

Go here for some more Zero Punctuation reviews.

Its linky time!!

You ready for the days hit of top quality (barf) links?!?!?!? Well here you go:

Best of Digg 2007 - This is a collection of the best images of 2007 from Digg. Really interesting list.
Crayon Physics Deluxe - You REALLY have to see this one. Really great representation of physics engines in use.
Microsoft touts high-tech grocery cart - Yet another piece of technology that is finding it's way into our everyday life, adding to the ever increasing ubiquitousness of computers in society. But is it such a bad thing if it helps us?
12 Crazy old ads - I always like reading these things. It amazes me how much society's view has changed over the past 50 years or so, particularly in regards to women.
Awesome picture - Just who is the superpower here?
Blogger beaten to death by Chinese Government officials - Not much to say, really.
Amazing Nintendo collection - Yes, I like Nintendo, but this...wow

Enjoy! More coming soon...

The Stoned Professor!

A little fun to brighten your spirits for the day.

The stoned professor!

Wish Washy